Comment abortion - Überprüfung?!

NoNamee

Hey ihr Lieben,
ich brauche dringend eure Hilfe...:-|

Ich schreibe bald eine Englisch Klausur und bin ehrlich nicht die beste in dem Fach.. Also hab ich mich mal hingesetzt und ein comment geschrieben. Es geht über Schwangerschaft im Teenage-Alter und die Abtreibung. Wäre euch sehr dankbar, wenn ihr mal drüber schauen würdet, mir Tipps, Tricks und Korrekturen geben würdet.

Vielen Dank im Voraus!

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I'd like to tell you something about the issue getting pregnant and whether an abortion the right decision is.
In the US 5,2% of all teenage girls become pregnant. Of course this is a big problem and a real shock but each of them must ask oneself: What do I do with the baby, or should I get an abortion? You need to think carefully about the pros and cons of an abortion. Some people have the opinion you will kill a human being. Actually you give the child no chance to live, but you must think of yourself. Perhabs your parents have a low income and no money for another child. Furthermore you can't concentrate on your education if you have a baby. It is important to have a good education to get a nice job and earn money later.
In my opinion an abortion is the right decision, because you don't have to take any responsibility. Surely there can be the feeling of missing something after an abortion, but you have freedom for yourselve.

Anni.Ka

Wow... also der Text ist schon nicht ohne und auch verständlich. Er ist aber nicht super. Du solltest damit anfangen was eine "abortion" ist. Dann sagen furthermore i will discuss the pro and contr of an abortion. Danach kommt die Auflistung mit first, second, third, sowie on the one side, on the other side. Also z.B. First the abortion is a big step in a womans life. There is no possibility of an abortion without a consultation with the doctor. There are also many problems which can rbe a resul of an abortion. For example if the girl was to young, there is a big possibility that she would never get pregnant. Also trenne immer die Sachen und versuche Beispiele zu geben. Und auch den letzen Satz solltest du umformulieren: In my opinion an abortion can be the right decision, if the young woman can't get the child, because of... The young woman will be alway resposible of killing a human being, what is conected to the feeling of missing, frustration and depression.

tiorthan

Zitat von NoNamee

I'd like to tell you something about the problem of teen pregnancy₁ and whether an abortion is the right decision₂.
In the US 5,2% of all teenage girls become pregnant. Of course this is a big problem and a real shock but each of them must ask herself: What am I going to₃ do with the baby, or should I get an abortion? You need to think carefully about the pros and cons of an abortion. Some people have the opinion that you kill₄ a human being. Actually you give the child no chance to live, but you must think of yourself. Perhabs your parents have a low income and no money for another child. Furthermore you can't concentrate on your education if you have a baby. It is important to have a good education to get a good job and earn money later.
In my opinion an abortion is the right decision, because you don't have to take any responsibility. Surely there can be the feeling of missing something after an abortion, but you have freedom for yourselve₅.

1 - Die Formulierung "issue of getting pregnant" kann man verwenden, wenn jemand Probleme hat schwanger zu werden. In deinem Text geht es jedoch um etwas anderes.

2 - SPO!

3 - Je nachdem, was du eigentlich gemeint hast kann hier auch "What can I do" oder "What will I do" in Frage kommen.

4 - "That" ist hier notwendig, weil es sich um einen Relativsatz handelt. Das "will" kann dort nicht stehen, weil es sich um eine allgemeingültige Aussage handelt. (Es spielt keine Rolle, ob die Aussage tatsächlich allgemeine Gültigkeit hat sondern nur, dass sie allgemeine Gültigkeit beansprucht).

5 - Diese Formulierung ergibt keinen Sinn in diesem Zusammenhang. Ich vermute, du meinst nicht freedom sondern independence

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