Zu Englisch Ha bis Montag Bräuchte schnelle ANTWORT / Danke D; )

    Hi
    Also ich sollte in Englisch einen Teil eines Ausschnittes aus einem Buch beschreiben also es hieß:

    Sum up the accident (also hab da noch die Situation kurz davor beschrieben und wie es überhaupt dazu kam das der Unfall passierte.

    Zu meinem Text:
    Zu Ha Englisch Book Paranoid Park page: 8-26 “Sum up the accident”

    The main character has driven his best friend Jared to the Greenland Station.

    Jared wanna see his girl friend and so he could not go with his friend to Paranoid Park.

    The main character decided to go alone to Paranoid Park and when he was there he sat on his skateboard and watching the skaters and girls there.

    A streeter called Scratch come along with his friends and after a short talk Scratch asked the main character whether he would hop a train.

    Fascinating of the idea hoping a train the main character agrees and they left Paranoid Park.

    After a while they crossed the tracks and they hoped a train.

    However a security guard saw the main character and Scratch on the train he started to run toward them.

    As they noticed that the security guard wanna hit them with his night stick they jumped out from the train on the gravel.

    After that the security guard started to beat Scratch with his night stick and as the main character saw that he hits the security guard with his skateboard.

    The man stumbled and fell forward on the gravel beside the train.

    The coming train pulled him along and he get twisted into an awkward position under the train.

    As the train passed the security guard has been cut in half.

    After this horrible accident the main character have been totally in panic and he doesn't know what he should do in a situation like that.

    He has been totally confused, because he wanna tell the police but he is to afraid of the consequences and he decided to keep first that accident to himself.

    Totally confused the main character started to run....

    Wäre cool wen das jemand durchgucken könnte ^^und Verbesserungsvorschläge ^wenn was Zeitlich oder Wörtlich nicht stimmt.^^
    Danke im Voraus^^am wichtig das ist bis Morgen wäre nett wen es bis dahin jemand schaft durchzugucken (bzw bis heute Abend.

    Du hast durchgehend die falschen Zeitformen verwendet. Ein Summary schreibt man im Present (oder ganz selten im Past) und nicht in allen Zeitformen, die einem gerade einfallen.

    Slang, so wie "wanna", hat in einem Summary nichts verloren.

    Fehler, Ausdruck, Erklärung nötig
    Keine Korrekturen per Privatnachricht.

    Ja schreib doch mal wie es besser wäre ein Verbesserungsvorschlag hab ich mir gewünscht.... Eine Kritik bringt mir nichts ... (# Jede Zeile hat ja nicht ne andere Zeit also genauer bitte. ("Hilfe") ("Kritik"=null) Danke <

    Du hast wohl nicht gelesen was ich geschrieben habe. Ich habe gesagt: Schreib den Text nochmal im Present!

    Fehler, Ausdruck, Erklärung nötig
    Keine Korrekturen per Privatnachricht.

    The main character has driven his best friend Jared to the Greenland Station.

    Jared wanna see his girl friend and so he could not go with his friend to Paranoid Park.

    The main character decided to go alone to Paranoid Park and when he was there he sat on his skateboard and watching the skaters and girls there.

    A streeter called Scratch come along with his friends and after a short talk Scratch asked the main character whether he would hop a train.

    Fascinated by the idea of hopping a train the main character agrees and they left Paranoid Park.

    After a while they crossed the tracks and they hoped a train.

    However a security guard saw the main character and Scratch on the train he started to run toward them.

    As they noticed that the security guard wanna hit them with his night stick they jumped out from the train on the gravel.

    After that the security guard started to beat Scratch with his night stick and as the main character saw that he hits the security guard with his skateboard.

    The man stumbled and fell forward on the gravel beside the train.

    The coming train pulled him along and he is twisted into an awkward position under the train.

    After the train has passed the security guard has been cut in half.

    After this horrible accident the main character is totally in panic and he doesn't know what he should do in a situation like that.

    He has been totally confused, because he wanna tell the police but he is too afraid of the consequences and he decided to keep first that accident to himself.

    Totally confused the main character started to run....

    blau: hier habe ich schon verbessert; fett schwarz: diese Zeiten musst du in das Präsens setzen; denke dabei an das "-s" bei he!

    Flo

    Also hab die Zeiten verbessert könnt ihr nochmal Überprüfungen ob das jetzt stimmt Danke.


    The main character has driven his best friend Jared to the Greenland Station.

    Jared want see his girl friend and so he doesn't go with his friend to Paranoid Park.

    The main character decide to go alone to Paranoid Park and when he is there he sits on his skateboard and watch the skaters and girls there.

    A streeter called Scratch coming along with his friends and after a short talk Scratch asking the main character whether he want hop a train.

    Fascinated by the idea of hopping train the main character agrees and they leaves Paranoid Park.

    After a while they cross the tracks and they hop a train.

    However a security guard saw the main character and Scratch on the train he starts to run toward them.

    As they notice that the security guard want hit them with his night stick they jump out from the train on the gravel.

    After that the security guard started to beat Scratch with his night stick and as the main character saw that he hits the security guard with his skateboard.

    The man stumble and fall forward on the gravel beside the train.

    The coming train pull him along and he is twisted into an awkward position under the train.

    After the train has passed the security guard has been cut in half.

    After this horrible accident the main character is totally in panic and he doesn't know what he should do in a situation like that.

    He is totally confused, because he want tell the police but he is too afraid of the consequences and he decides to keep first that accident to himself.

    Totally confused the main character start to run....

    wenn ich dir schreibe: achte auf das "-s" bei he - dann heißt das, dass du auch daran denken musst, dass du für "the main character" / "the"guard"/ "Scratchy" / President Obama usw. natürlich auch "HE" sagen kannst, du Pappnase!
    und grundsätzlich: nach "want" muss folgen TO + INFINITIV: he wants to go, they wanted to play poker usw.

    Flo