Ersuche/bitte um Korrektur

  • Ich ersuche/bitte um Korrektur meines Englischreferates.

    TEXT:

    Lord of the Flies

    My presentation consists of three parts. The first part is about the author of the book, the second part is about the leading characters and the third part is about the content.

    1. the author

    The writer of the book is William Golding. He was born in Cornwall in 1911.He attended the Marlborough Grammar School and the Brasenose College in Oxford.
    After College, he worked as an actor, a musician and a schoolmaster. Lord of the Flies was his first novel. It was published in 1954. In 1983 William Golding was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. He died in summer of 1993 at his home. William Golding was one of the most known British authors.

    2. the leading characters

    The main characters of the book are Ralph, Jack and Piggy.

    Ralph: He is the chief of the group and takes care of
    them. He is responsible for the conch and
    tries everything to get the group rescued.

    Jack: He is very jealous of Ralph, because he is the
    chief of the group. Jack is the leader of the
    hunters. Hunting is for him the most important
    thing on the island. He always tries to impress
    Ralph.

    Piggy: The group always make fun of him, if he wants
    to tell them something. Piggy is overweight and
    very unathletic. That’s another reason why
    everyone is picking him on. Piggy is very smart
    and helps Ralph to lead the group.

    3. the content

    The book is about a group of children who are caught on a lonely island without grow-ups. Their chief is Ralph. They voted for him at the beginning of the story. He tried everything to get them rescued. They made a big fire up a mountain as a kind of signal for ships. It produced smoke and should advise a ship of them, but they didnt In the course of the story they believe that there maybe could be a beast on the island, so nobody was brave enough to go up the mountain and look after the fire.
    Jack is the leader of the hunters. He thought that Ralph wasn’t doing his job well, so he called a meeting. He asked them, if they would want him as chief, but no hands were lifted. Jack decided to go to the other side of the island. Over the days some children disappeared and went to Jack. Now there were two groups on the island. Ralphs group and Jacks group. For Jack the most important thing on the island was hunting. His group went hunting the whole day. Ralph thought it was more important to look after the fire. One day Jacks group made a big party. They danced and ate the meat of a pig. Suddenly Simon ran out of the jungle and jumped into the circle of dancing hunters. They thought he would be the beast and stabbed him. They had killed for the first time. Few days later Ralphs group went to the other side of the island to talk to Jack, because he had stolen Piggy s glasses. Jack got very angry and ordered his group to roll a stone down a hill. The stone rolled over Piggy and killed him. From that they on Ralph knew that Jack wasn’t afraid of killing him. He ran back into the jungle and hid there. On the next day everyone on the island was looking for him. The hunters were armed with burning spears and inflamed the whole island. They were crying loudly when they detected him. Ralph ran towards the beach to escape the heat of the burning trunks and creepers. He fell onto the ground and thought that he was already dead. The cries got louder and louder and suddenly a man was standing in front of him. It was the captain of a ship. One moment later the others arrived. He asked them a bunch of questions and brought them onto his ship. In the end they got rescued, but two children had to die on the island.


    D A N K E:

  • Also beim ersten Teil würde ich statt "he worked as an...", "he became an..." hinschreiben.
    In den nächsten beiden Teilen sieht eigentlich alles ganz gut aus.
    Viel Glück bei deinem Referat! =D

  • Korrektur: B = Rs-Verbesserung ; blau = eingefügt rot = gestrichen

    Beachte: wenn du die Überschrift "contents" wählst, musst du eine summary abliefern - und die wird nun mal in der Gegenwart (bzw. pres.perf. für das Zurückliegende) geschrieben:
    evtl. kommst du aus der Nummer mit deinem dürchgängigen past tense dadurch raus, wenn du statt "contents": "sequence of events" oder "retold" als Überschrift wählst.

    Deine, ich sage mal, Nacherzählung ist 23 Zeilen lang; sechs Zeilen davon - also ein Viertel! - schildern fast minutiös und "spannungsgeladen" den Schluss (falls du eine Inhaltsangabe schreibst, musst du diesen Teil extrem überarbeiten!) - andere Teile: die Funktion Simons, warum das Buch "Lord of the Flies" heißt - der Gegensatz zwischen dem Brit."law and order" verkörpert durch Ralph und Piggy und die Verrohung von Jacks "savages" kommt nicht zum Ausdruck; darüberhinaus wird kein Bezug zu "Coral Island" hergestellt.

    dem positiven Urteil von " littlecherieniki" kann ich mich nicht anschließen. Du hast noch viel Arbeit vor dir.

    Flo

    Einmal editiert, zuletzt von Flo (21. Februar 2011 um 09:41)