BITTE UM SUMMARY KORREGTUR!!!!!MORGEN ARBEIT!!!!

    hey,
    wäre total nett wenn jemand diesen summary berichtigen könnte und mir noch tipps gibt wie ich die sätze schöner gestalten könnte.....
    das ist ein summary über die geschichte "a bear problem" im `green line 4`
    ........


    On the Gibsons vacation they travel to Kings Canyon National Park. One day the children, Debbie and Rick have gone hiking in the forest and a bear has attacked them. Now the children are save.

    On the Gibsons vacation they travel to Kings Canyon National Park. The children, Debbie an Rick, have heared a story about a bear who has attacked a tourist the week before, from the ranger Ed. The next day their parents wants to see the General Grant Tree but the kids thinks that it is boring. And so they have stayed at the campground. Then they have played cards in their motorhome but Debbie has wanted to see the bear but Rick has thought that it is too dangerour. Also they take food with them and go hiking. Suddenly Debbie has screamed that there is the bear but this is only a joke of her. Ricl has been hungry and so the make a stop and have a picnic. One time Debbie looks into the forest behind them and suddenly she screams that there is the bear. But this time it isn´t a joke. Now Rick sees the bear, too. Then the bear goes to them and the children goes a few stappes back. Debbie falls down but she finds a stone and throws it on the bears´s nose. So the bear stops and goes back into the forest. Debbie and Rick run back to the campground. They have a big shock.

    No School No Stress

    Hey...
    also ersma fehlt der einleitungssatz... vonwegen Titel Autor usw aber deine kurze zusammenfassung am anfang is ganz okay... nur du kannst nicht schreiben now the children are save... das passt nicht...weil du geschrieben hast one day eines tages und jetzt.... ähm hört sich nich gut an sorry... aber üb weiter :wink:

    Hey franziii,

    ich habe dir mal ein paar Fehler verbessert. Wichtig ist, dass du ein Summary immer im Präsens schreibst und denk dran "he/she/it...."s" muss mit" ;)

    On the Gibsons vacation they travel to Kings Canyon National Park. The children, Debbie an Rick, heared a story about a bear who attacked a tourist of the ranger Ed the week before. The next day their parents want to see the General Grant Tree but the kids think that it is a boring idea. The Result is that they stay at the campground and played cards in their motorhome. But Debbie wants to see the bear and Rick thinks that it is too dangerous. They take food with them and go hiking. Suddenly Debbie shouts that there is the bear but it is only a joke. Rick is hungry and so they stop for having a picnic. One time Debbie looks into the forest and suddenly she shouts that there is the bear. But this time it isn't a joke. Now Rick sees the bear, too. Then the bear runs to them and the children goes a few steps back. Debbie falls down but she finds a stone and throws it on the bear's nose. So the bear stops and goes back into the forest. Debbie and Rick run back to the campground. The shock is big.

    Im Auftrag des Teufels unterwegs.

    Ich lege meiner Korrektur Tinkerbells Korrekturversuch zu Grunde.
    T. hat Recht, du must im Präsens schreiben, dein Versuch mit present perfect geht nicht; aber: wenn du in der Inh.angabe über etwas Vergangenes berichtest, dann nimmst du pres. perfect und nicht - wie T. past.
    Darüberhinaus darfst du keine "erzählerischen Elemente" verwenden wie z.B., "Plötzlich ... und dann ... am nächsten Tag u.ä.; natürlich auch keine wörtliche Rede und keine engl., -ing form (she is laughing)

    Auch brauchst du, wie "Nina" sagt" einen Einleitungssatz:

    Einleitungssatz : The given text, taken from the school book Green Line vol. 4, is about two children who have an adventure with a bear in their vacation.

    In their ...vacation ...the Gibsons travel to Kings Canyon National Park. The ranger Ed tells the children, Debbie an Rick,... a story about a bear which has attacked a tourist ...the week before. .... their parents want to see the General Grant Tree but the kids think that it is a boring idea. ...they stay on the campground and play cards in their motorhome. ...Debbie wants to see the bear and Rick thinks that it is too dangerous. They take food with them and go hiking. .. Debbie shouts that there is the bear but she has made ...a joke. Rick is hungry and .. they stop for ...a picnic. ...Debbie looks into the forest and shouts that there is the bear. ... it isn't a joke....Rick sees the bear, too. ...the bear runs to them and the children go a few steps back. Debbie falls down, she finds a stone and throws it at the bear's nose. ...the bear stops and goes back into the forest. Debbie and Rick are shocked and run back to the campground. ...

    Korrektur: fett = eingefügt bzw. korrigiert /// " ... " Streichung

    (du hast sehr viele "erzählerische Elemente" benutzt, die dich ... gestrichen habe).


    Flo

    I have a summary,too.

    The text a bear problem deals with a funny trip of Debbie and Rick whick turns into a nightmare.

    Debbie, Rick and their family are on vacation, when their parents feel like watching "The General Grant Tree" in "King Canyon National Park".The children has wanted to go to the beach but their parents persuade them to visit the great nature of "King Canyon". The Gibsons' neighbour on the campground Ed Moreno says that a hiker has been attacked by a bear last week. And suddenly when the parents hit the trail Debbie has an idea. She wants to look for the bear. Rick isn't very happy with this idea but he can't persuade her anymore. They are on the trail when they feel hungry. Rick is very scared, because Debbie has made a bad joke before. It has been a big boredom before when Debbie say frightend that the bear stands behind Rick. They try to run away but Debbie falls down. Without thinking she decides to throw a stone at the big ugly bear.And it hits it on the nose.So the bear disappeares into the forest.The kids have been shocked when they arrives back on the campground.

    Please correct my summary.

    Zitat von Unregistriert

    I have a summary,too.

    The text a bear problem deals with a funny trip of Debbie and Rick which turns into a nightmare.

    Debbie, Rick and their family are on vacation. ....their parents ...want to go to "The General Grant Tree" in "King Canyon National Park".The children ... want.... to go to the beach but their parents persuade them to visit the great nature of "King Canyon". The Gibsons' neighbour on the campground, Ed Moreno, says that a hiker has been attacked by a bear ...week before . ...when the parents hit the trail Debbie has an idea. She wants to look for the bear. Rick isn't very happy ...about his idea but he can't persuade her ..... They are on the trail when they feel hungry. Rick is very scared, because Debbie has made a bad joke before. It has been a big boredom before when Debbie says frightfully that the bear stands behind Rick. They try to run away but Debbie falls down....she ... throws a stone at the big ... bear.And it hits it on the nose.So the bear disappears into the forest.The kids are shocked when they arrive back on the campground.

    Please correct my summary.

    ..

    Ganz guter Versuch; du musst aufpassen, dass du "erzählerische und ausschmückende Elemente" weglässt (z.B. suddenly ugly.u.a.,
    Korrekturzeichen: fett = eingefügt/korrigiert; //// "..." = von mir gestrichen


    Flo