Essay Fehlerkorrektur

Hi,

Ich ich habe für den Englischunterricht einen Essay zum Thema "Internet - Eine Gefahr für die neue Generation" verfasst. Ich würde mich freuen, wenn ihr die Fehler korrigieren könnt. Danke

Freedom on the Internet - A Danger for the Young Generation?

Parents play an important role in shaping a child's life. With their life experience they are able to teach them
what's right and wrong and how to find their way in life. However, this "historical advantage" is nowadays the subject to change concercing the Internet. A great number of innovations has been introduced in just a few years.
As a result, kids and teenagers at present are much more skilled in the
state-of-the-art technologies than their parents. Thus,
parents are not able to control what their children do on the Internet, due to their lack of knowledge.
In my opinion, this boundless freedom poses great danger, due to the fact, that many kids and teenagers are inexperienced, overconfident and not able to realize the consequences, their decisions can have.

In the first place, there is practically free access to a great variety of stuff, which is not suitable for minors. There many sites on the internet, which offer pornographic and violent contents to which minors can come across, even by accident.

In addition, there are many dubious people on the internet, who offer things, which seem attractive in the first place, but include highly hidden costs.
Even though, theses methods are mainly illegal, most people will pay, because they are beeing intimidated by threatening letters.

Furthermore, many young people don't realize the consequences, of putting too much information about themselves on social networks like Facebook and Myspace. Often they upload private pictures, thinking, they are only visible to family and friends, while not realizing, that everyone on the Internet is able to see them, which can be a great disadvantage, when sending in their applications.

Finally, we can say that the internet is a dangerous place pretty much as the 'real' world, so we should put the same effort on educating our children in using the Internet than we do so concerning the real world.

Freedom on the Internet - A Danger for the Young Generation?

Parents play an important role in shaping a child's life. With their life experience they are able to teach them what's right and wrong and how to find their way in life. However, this "historical advantage" is nowadays subject to change because of the Internet. A great number of innovations have been introduced in just a few years.

As a result, kids and teenagers at present are much more skilled in
state-of-the-art technologies than their parents. Thus, parents are not able to control what their children do on the Internet, due to their lack of knowledge.

In my opinion, this boundless freedom poses great danger due to the fact that many kids and teenagers are inexperienced, overconfident and not able to realize the consequences their decisions can have.

In the first place, there is practically free access to a great variety of stuff which is not suitable for minors. There are many sites on the internet which offer pornographic and violent content which minors can come across, even by accident.

In addition, there are many dubious people on the internet who offer things which seem attractive at first, but include highly hidden costs (oder "high hidden costs"? - sind die Kosten sehr versteckt, oder sind die versteckten Kosten sehr hoch? wenn sie sehr hoch sind, dann "high hidden costs").

Even though these methods are mainly illegal, most people will pay because they are intimidated by threatening letters.

Furthermore, many young people don't realize the consequences of putting too much information about themselves on social networks like Facebook and Myspace. Often they upload private pictures, thinking they are only visible to family and friends, while not realizing that everyone on the Internet is able to see them. This can be a great disadvantage when sending in applications.

Finally, we can say that the internet is, pretty much, as dangerous a place as the 'real' world, so we should put the same effort into educating our children in using the Internet as we do concerning the real world.