[H] textkorrektur

1. offizieller Beitrag

    Hi,
    ich habe eben einen Englischtext geschrieben, da ich jedoch nicht sehr gut in Englisch bin brauch ich ein paar Verbesserungsvorschläge, in erster Linie zur Textrichtigkeit(Rechtschreibung, Grammatik usw), aber auch zum inhaltlichen(spannung, ob der Text logisch ist usw..):


    „Wake up! “ One of Charley’s comrades went from bed to bed and shook the soldiers up. Charley opened his eyes and saw his comrades wearing their uniforms. Outside the tent he heard loud voices shouting. Quickly he got up and dressed up his own uniform. What was happening? Two minutes later he and his unit stood on a wide field in front of their camp. It was a frosty and dark morning. An officer went up and down in front of them. “One of our scouts saw the whole unit of the Rebels. They are close to our camp, and they will attack us soon. Now everybody of you takes cover. They think we are still asleep.” Everybody went to his position and waited for a signal. Charley’s heard beat painful. It was the first time the South attacked them first; normally the Union first attack the South. Suddenly there was a shot. Charley raised carefully his head. He saw the Rebels coming up to them. An officer of his unit shouted “SHOOT!” and instantly the whole Union shot at the Rebels. It was a horrible battle, but soon the Rebels lost many soldiers, while the Union was nearly complete. Charley had chosen a very good place on the battlefield until many Rebels came up to him. He quickly escaped and chose another position. After one hour there were just a few soldiers of the southern army. The Rebels escaped and the Union tried to shoot as many as possible of them. Charley saw a bleeding enemy carefully escaping. He shot at him and hit the soldier in his leg. The Rebel looked frightened at Charley, who realized who lay in front of him: It was the young Rebel he met two days ago. Charley looked at him, and he sank his weapon. The Rebel stood up and ran away, without looking back. But suddenly an officer behind Charley shouted “SHOOT! Why don’t you shoot?” The Reb, who was running in front of him, ran as fast as he could, but Charley had no choice. He raised his gun; aimed, closed his eyes and shot. He heard a person dropping down in front of him. Without looking what he did, he turned around. At was his last kill, this day and the rest of his life. After this battle there were no more battles between North and South, the Northern Part of the USA had won.


    danke für verbesserungsvorschläge:)
    MFG

    • Offizieller Beitrag

    „Wake up! “ One of Charley’s comrades went from bed to bed and wakened the soldiers. Charley opened his eyes and saw his comrades wearing their uniforms. Outside the tent he heard loud voices shouting. Quickly he got up and dressed up his own uniform. What was happening? Two minutes later he and his unit stood on a wide field in front of their camp. It was a frosty and a dark morning. An officer went up and down in front of them. “One of our scouts have seen the whole unit of the Rebels [doing what?]. They are close to our camp, and they will attack us soon. Now everybody of you takes cover. They shall think, we are still asleep.” Everybody went to his position and waited for a signal. Charley’s heard beat painfully. It was the first time the South attacked them; normally, the Union first attack the South. Suddenly there was a shot. Charley raised carefully his head. He saw the Rebels coming up to them. An officer of his unit shouted “SHOOT!” and instantly the whole union shot at the Rebels. It was a horrible battle, but soon the Rebels lost many soldiers, while the Union nearly stays complete. Charley had chosen a very good place on the battlefield, but witch a lot of rebels coming close to him, he quickly escaped and chose another position. After one hour there were just a few soldiers of the southern army left. The Rebels escaped and the Union tried to shoot as many as possible of them. Charley saw a bleeding enemy carefully escaping. He shot at him and hit the soldiers leg. The Rebel frightened looked at Charley, who realized, who lay in front of him: It was the young Rebel he met two days ago. Charley looked at him and he sank his weapon. The Rebel stood up and ran away, without looking back. But suddenly an officer behind Charley shouted “SHOOT! Why don’t you shoot?” The Rebel, who was running in front of him, ran as fast as he could, but Charley had no choice. He raised his gun; aimed, closed his eyes and shot. He heard a person dropping down in front of him. Without looking what he did, he turned around. That was his last he killed this day and even the rest of his life. It has been the last battle between North and South; the Northern Part of the USA had won.

    LG nif7

    Menschen, die etwas wollen, finden Wege. Menschen, die etwas nicht wollen, finden Gründe.

    The excerpt “Elisabeth I, Queen of England“written by Luise F. Pusch, deals with the story of Elisabeth’s life and her reign.
    Elisabeth is the illegitimate daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, who has been beheaded by the command of Henry, after not producing a male heir to the throne of England.
    At the age of 25 Elisabeth come into power after her brother and sister have died. The time in which her reign takes place is one of religious conflicts. Elisabeth always has to stand up to her rival Maria Stuart, who wants to see England under catholic authority. But in 1587 she has been executed in case of treason.
    Elisabeth I has never been married, hence she is known as “the Maiden Queen”.
    By the aid of Walter R. und Francis D., she has founded the British Empire.
    Finally Elisabeth I is the most important and most liked monarch of England. She always has been supported by her loyal allegiance.

    hat jemand verbesserungsvorschläge zu dem summary ??
    ich wär sehr dankbar !!! :)