Korrektur und Formulierungsvorschläge für mein Essay

  • Hallo liebe Community,

    ich schreibe zum ersten mal einen Essay und ich habe da noch nicht so viel Erfahrung und hoffe ihr könnt mir helfen.
    Es wäre super wenn ihr mir bessere Formulierungen vorschlagen könntet und mich auf meine Fehler hinweist.

    Vielen lieben Dank´!


    Refugees in Europe

    Europe has seen a large number of people, who are coming from the Middle East and Africa since 2015.

    These people flee because of persecution, war and poverty, in hopes for a better and safer life.

    Should European countries keep receiving more refugees?

    In times of crisis and issues in the world, it should be an obviousness to help each other.

    Therefore, it is incomprehensible, that helping people is such a huge problem.

    In the last years, I have read so many news and seen so many videos about war, refugees and hate.

    It broke my heart, seeing the faces of people and children who had no emotions anymore, because they saw too much and lost everything.

    On the one hand, I am proud of the people, who try to help others by offering food, take someone into their house, try to integrate them into the society and help them learning the language of the country.

    On the other hand, I was disappointed about people, who agitate against refugees.

    Instead of doing something useful, they destroy and burn down accommodations and are proud of their actions.

    Persons against refugees often use false pretences and prejudices.

    For example:

    “Refugees take our jobs! They don’t want to work! They only want our money!”

    “They get everything for free! They are criminal and molest women!”

    “They are responsible for disturbance and terrorism. They are guilty!”

    The truth is, it is easier to blame someone else, than facing that you are overwhelmed with the situation or unsatisfied with the government.

    The people in Europe are scared of the uncertain future.

    They don’t know how to deal with the new circumstance and no one was prepared for it.

    Instead of giving others the fault, the European people should focus on what really matters and not suggesting what is not true.

    No one leaves their own country promiscuous. There is always a reason.

    Refugees have to leave their life behind, to come to a new country, where the culture, lifestyle and language is mostly different.

    Furthermore, an escape to Europe is expensive, dangerous and very exhausting.

    There is always the possibility that you die while fleeing. An example is the boat disaster in Lampedusa, where a ship with over 700 passengers on board capsized.

    This shows the risk which refugees have to accept.

    Even, when they survive there are still defiance’s.

    Refugees don’t take jobs away. In Germany they aren’t allowed to work in the first three months, although they want.

    That is the reason why volunteer jobs are kept free for them, so that they have the possibility to do something useful rather than nothing.

    The foreigners’ registration office decides if a refugee is allowed to work and they grant the permission.

    If they get this permission and can communicate in specific languages, countries can get new labour and potentially qualified employees, who can balance the aging European Union population. This can be a big advantage.

    Refugees are not more criminal than citizen of the European Union.

    In every culture, there are all kinds of people. The good one and the bad one.

    The media industry doesn’t report about everything related to refugees.

    They mainly report about criminal delicts and when it is about a refugee or foreigner, people use to blame the whole group.

    That’s the reason why we have to differentiate and not measure everything with the same scale.

    An example for that is the New Year’s Eve night in cologne in 2015, where a huge number of women were pressed, robbed and sexually molested by young mans from north African and Arabic countries.

    After this night, the growing anger and rage was noticeable.

    Nevertheless, we can’t blame a whole group for something, what was done by a few people.

    In my point of view, people should stop having prejudices about refugees.

    The European countries have to work closer with each other and it shouldn’t be an issue of one country.

    Everyone should take the responsibility to help others and find a solution together.

    Otherwise there will be no end.

  • Korrekturen
    Formulierungsvorschläge
    Der restliche Text war ok.

    • On the one hand, I am proud of the people, who try to help others by offering food, taking someone into their house, trying to integrate them into the society and helping them to learn the language of the country.
    • On the other hand, I am disappointed about people, who agitate against refugees.
    • Instead of doing something useful, they destroy and burn down accommodations and are proud of their criminal actions.
    • Persons who are against refugees often use false pretences and prejudices.
    • The truth is, it is easier to blame someone else than to admit (sich eingestehen) that you are overwhelmed with the situation or unsatisfied with the government.
    • They don’t know how to deal with the new circumstances that they were not prepared for.
    • Instead of blaming others, the European people should focus on what really matters and not suggesting what is not true.
    • No one leaves his own country without cause. There is always a reason.
    • There is always the possibility that you die while fleeing their homeland such as the tragic boat accident in Lampedusa, where a ship with over 700 passengers on board capsized and most of all perished.
    • Even if they survive there are still defiances.
    • Refugees don’t take jobs away. In Germany they aren’t allowed to work in the first three months, although they want to.
    • The Foreigners’ Registration Office (Organisation/Behörde, daher in Großschreibung!) decides if a refugee is allowed to work and they grant the permission.
    • If they get the work permits and can communicate in specific languages, countries can get new labour and potentially qualified employees, and balance the aging European Union population, which may be a big advantage.
    • In every culture, there are all kinds of people. The good ones and the bad ones.
    • That’s the reason why we have to differentiate and not measure everyone by the same standards.
    • An example for generalisation was the New Year’s Eve night in Cologne in 2015, where a huge number of women were pressed, robbed and sexually molested by young men from North African and Arabic countries.
    • In my point of view / opinion, people should stop having prejudices against refugees.
    • The European countries need to cooperate in a more concerted manner and it shouldn’t be an issue for only one country.